And just when you thought ESPN The Magazine’s Michael Vick issue was unnecessary and a complete waste of ink, the folks at the “Worldwide Leader in Sports” strike again. They’ve completely outdone themselves this time and have printed an entire issue dedicated to Boston sports teams and the fans that love them. Based on Boston’s four teams winning seven titles in the past 10 years, ESPN incorrectly surmised that sports fans elsewhere remotely give a damn.
Now, I know you’re probably thinking that my repugnant reaction to this issue has something to do with the fact that I detest #allbostoneverything, and you’re right. But, trust me, setting my personal feelings aside, there are other reasons I believe this issue is completely unnecessary and a terrible idea.
For one, it’s utterly disgusting and obnoxious for ESPN to use a national platform, such as this issue, to glorify Boston, or any one city in particular. For years, ESPN has been criticized by sports fans for catering to the East Coast population and being too Boston-New York obsessed. After this issue, it’s hard to buy their BS denials about these accusations when they go way left and produce something that alienates anyone outside of Boston. ESPN’s motto is serving the sports fan everywhere, but based on this issue it seems like they’re only concerned with serving the sports fan in the New England area. Yes, they need love too, but isn’t that why ESPN Boston was created?
Oh, but Boston fans should feel some type way about this issue, too. Maybe it’s just me, but is it not insulting to be asked, “Is Tom Brady Too Pretty?” I mean really. Does Tom Brady not have three Super Bowl rings? Does he not hold the record for touchdown passes in a single season and a whole bunch of other things? Was he not named Sportsman of the Year by Sports Illustrated and Sporting News (twice)?Â The answers are yes, yes, and yes. So, why would ESPN reduce Tom Brady to nothing more than a pretty face? Granted I didn’t actually read the article, so there’s a possibility that it could actually breakdown how pretty Tom Brady’s game is, but I doubt it because only ESPN can successfully and simultaneously offend the same people they’re trying to please.
And then in their failed and insincere attempt to soften the blow to New York sports fans, they have Bill Simmons pen a piece about why this issue was a bad idea. You know what, you can miss me with all that. There’s no way you’re baiting this New Yorker into picking up an issue to read what he has to say. I’ve never cared about Bill Simmons’ opinion before, so there’s absolutely zero chance that I’ll be persuaded to care now; even if there is a remote possibility that I may actually agree with him. And again, if Simmons actually does think this way, then he’s managed to piss off his faithful flock of readers who think everything he says is gospel.
And as if that wasn’t enough, the hits keep coming…this time directed at NHL fans. ESPN managed to throw NHL fans a bone by including a throwaway line promoting its NHL previews for the upcoming season. How laughable and transparent is it that ESPN couldn’t care less about who tunes in to watch NHL games considering that they don’t own NHL TV rights? Well, it’s a good thing that the Boston Bruins won the Stanley Cup because their fans are probably the only ones who’ll read this issue anyway.
So basically, if you’re keeping score, ESPN has managed to piss off every existing sports fan, even the ones that have an entire issue dedicated them.Â Great job.
However, I do find the timing of this issue pretty ironic. In case you missed it, the New York Yankees clinched the AL East last night while the Boston Red Sox lost…again. Their season continues to collapse putting their playoff hopes in jeopardy for the second season in a row. But fear not Red Sox Nation, you can always use the pages from this magazine to wipe away your tears. And non-Boston fans, like myself, can run this issue through the paper shredder and use it as confetti to celebrate a championship won by a team not named the Boston Red Sox, Bruins, Celtics or New England Patriots.
Now please excuse me while I throw up.
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